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Life ItselfThe only time I smiled today
Was when I thought of dying
And how good I am at lying
Each and every single day.
I've got a box of painkillers
They sleep right by my bed
For when all I see is red,
They'll numb it into darkest white.
I've tried talking to people,
But I can't word what I want to say
And maybe I like living this way,
Knowing that I'll die soon.
I know I'm self-destructive
My crosshatch skin screams it
But inside there's a little bit
That still aches to be saved.
I've tried before and I'll try again
To put my worthlessness away
But fate forced me to stay;
Death's a bitch like that.
Life makes me want to die
Yet it won't let me leave
Or grant me a reprieve
From that which it's made me hate;
Chained and ShamedNobody gets it.
I don’t want saving,
I don’t want ”friends”;
I just want all ends
To be met in red.
I hate how plain my skin is,
How it should be painted;
I’m the addiction’s harlot,
I do as it must dictate
And when it tells me to seal my bloody fate;
I bloody well will.
I’m too full of blood,
I need to let some out.
But know this isn’t a shout
This is me coping
With how I’m hoping
Nobody’ll care when I go.
Cutting isn’t for attention;
It’s for a brief suspension
Of everything else.
It is mine and I’m its,
It doing as I want
And I its slave
Until there’s nothing left to save.
I don’t fear death
Half as much as I do breath.
Because I’d be lying
If I said dying
Wasn’t on my list of things to do today.
Cross My WristsCross my wrists and hope to die,
I will only ever lie
When you ask me if I’m fine
Or if I like this life of mine.
If I had a gun,
I’d put it to my head
And turn bouncy blonde,
Into ruby red.
You want me to stop cutting;
I’ll stop when I’m dead.
The last time I’ll cut
Will be the last thing I see
When I finally put an end to me.
Dying sounds good right now,
Just fading into black
And never coming back
To the agony living brings.
Perhaps you’ll find me hanging,
Or after OD’ing;
Someday soon you’ll find me,
It’s too late now,
I’m too far gone.
Now I’m just a ghost
Of who could’ve been someone.
What You WantMaybe you want them to notice
Maybe you want them to see
Maybe you want them to care about
How you’re lost and lonely me.
Maybe you want them to ask
Maybe you want them to know
Maybe you want them to care about
How your happiness is a show.
Maybe you want them to quiet
Maybe you want them to listen
Maybe you want them to care about
How your blood does glisten.
Maybe you want them to leave you
Maybe you want them to die
Maybe you want them to care about
How your life’s just a lie.
Carry OnI like sharp things;
The way they shine
The way they hurt
The way they leave a red line.
I like to bleed;
The way it's red
They way it hurts
The way it washes out what they said.
I like to live;
The way it's wrong
The way it hurts
The way it tells me that I am strong.
LifelineI hate how I look;
The bags beneath my eyes.
I hate who I am;
The endless torrent of lies.
Sometimes I do things I know I shouldn't
And I don't do things I know I should,
Only that I could and would,
Because that's how people work.
Everyone has motives
And nobody is selfless
In this world that doesn't want
Everyone's gonna die
And I'm not gonna lie;
Sometimes that thought is the only thing
That gets me through the day.
I miss my old razor blade;
Scissors don't go deep enough
This red isn't my favorite shade;
I like it purer,
Then I could be surer
That I'm a threat to myself.
I'm trying to cut down,
As apposed to cutting everything else,
But I doubt I'll ever stop
Because every slash,
Every bloody drop,
The whole crimson rash,
I'm still alive
And I am
He/She/Her/HimI'd write a love song
But I've never really been in love,
Apart from with that girl and that guy
On that day I nearly touched the sky.
I like my best friend.
And it hurts like hell,
Yeah, it hurts like hell
Knowing I can't ever tell
Cos I'm me
And he's a she.
To BurnI want to set my skin on fire
With Death’s icy embrace.
I want to make my head stop
And my broken heart race.
I want to fade into black
Like fog over the sea.
I want to save them the bother
Of worrying about me.
I want to bleed myself white
Until I really am just a shell.
I want to miss out on heaven
Just to escape this cursed hell.
I want to see her face again
So I can tell her my regret.
I want her face to leave me
So that I can maybe forget.
I want my friends to be happy
But I stop that from being so.
I want to lose all control
And let the red blood flow.
I want to leave this place
And abandon all breath.
I want to do something right
And that something is death.
We Are/You Aren'tWe are the unwanted, the broken
The ones you forgot about.
So don't be too surprised when we
Start to scream and shout.
We are the living, the dying
The ones you all put down.
But you'll know who we are when we
Run this goddamn town.
We are the corpses, the maggots
The ones you all despise.
But you'll be the ones scared when we
Expose all your lies.
We are the hunted, the lost
The ones you all spurn.
But you'll cry for our help when we
Leave you all to burn.
We are the losers, the winners
The ones that you deny.
But you'll be the ones damned when we
Hear the angels cry.
WordsWords float on a thin line
Some scurry through
My cloudy mind
Never to be caught only
Leaving their essence behind
Give me writings to where
People can sometimes find
What I mean
No matter what I do
I can never seem to convey
The emotion of my poem to
A person despite who they are
I even doubt you
Will get just what I mean
When I finish a poem I rue
Make the stupid poem
My own words
Are twisting and forming
Into a poem I didn't make
Sometimes I feel like crying
The frustration is so great
I keep writing
Otherwise I'll always
Be just scribbling
Sun Child,I am freezing
& I am hungry
for fever’s lips-
her inky fingers
a dry stomach.
My body is an ocean,
my limbs, but oars.
My tongue & teeth,
a life raft
keeping this madness
from sinking into blue.
Offering up 102 degrees
You would think
I had something to say.
Shattered heartWith this broken heart I'll keep moving on
And the scar you left me will help me become strong
For my heart used to be so numb, but then you showed me love
Sadly then you shattered it, once you saw I held you dear
But I hope you don't regret what you have done
For what I felt, you'll only receive it once
Distant Memories Of A Love Done Gone .They say it's difficult to love someone
When you can't even love yourself.
But I loved you nonetheless,
The problem was I didn't know when to stop.
You kept sending me mixed signs
Making me dizzy until I
Much less right
When our world started crumbling down and
T e a r i n g at the seams
It was so easy for you to let it fall apart.
But I, knowing no other kind of love,
desperately clung to the remaining bits,
Trying to put them back together.
Yet the pieces changed too much, too quickly,
They kept growing and
growing a p a r t,
until your world was only yours
and mine a hollow echo of its past.
Looking back now, it seems like it
All happened in a different life,
With some other you, some other me,
And the lips kissing my own were just a dream.
LiarYour words are woven
Together so carefully
That no one could possibly
Find a single hole in them.
No one can see the emotions you hide,
Or what you really did last night.
No one can see the real you.
No one, but me.
UnknownI'd listen to radio signals
But all I'd hear is chlorine bleached static
That leaves a the bitter taste of Advil in my thoughts
Drugged up in an anaesthetic haze of morphine induced comatose
I'd clench my teeth to stop the florescent vowels
From escaping my insomniac lips
I've chewed them shut and pasted book spines on my ribcage
In an attempt to be something organic and interesting
Because the plain Jane exterior I've laced between my iris's
Is becoming a contradiction of what little sanity I possess
Discarded.You cry for your sorrows and you bleed for your dreams,
Just always remember, this world is not what it seems.
You can be the best of friends and then disappear,
They'll just discard you, I know it's hard to hear.
But this has happened enough to me,
It's all everyone's been doing recently.
So here I lie, discarded, fearing to stand up,
Because what waits just isn't worth getting up.
Thrown away and lying in a puddle of mud and blood,
All the other times I got up, and wiped off the mud.
But this time, as I lie here, broken and bloody,
I don't want to get up, I want to be a dead body.
I know getting up is inevitable, because I will never give in,
But I really just want to give up and say that "I'm done in."
Last night,I broke every bone in my body
so I could have a reason to drown
in the isolated ocean inside me.
when my dilapidated lungs finally caved in,
I swam ashore and crawled across the polluted sand.
Only glass-edged skin
and salt-licked eyelashes
can help me now.
Venting in RedNow that I have the means
I know I could do it.
Because right now
I don't want to pull through it.
I don't have many friends,
And all things have ends.
A bloody blade will be mine,
Slicing me open one final time.
I only ever take,
I'll take my life
For everyone's sake;
My one selfless act.
I want to see silver,
Splattered with red.
I want to cease breathing;
I just want to be dead.
Poetic PsychosisIn thirty seconds, the next shell would fall. Every night was the same, but every night Lorenzo experienced it as if it were the first time. His throat felt swollen; breathing was hard. He glanced around at the others; young men like him who had been shipped out in the name of honour and freedom. There was no honour in this, no freedom. Only death behind your eyelids, and a fear so gutting, that it carved out your innards and left you a hollow husk. Lorenzo tried to breathe, tried to assure himself that he was still whole, still made of flesh. They had lied when they told him he was ready.
Matteo ran towards him, arms out, rifle swinging uselessly at his side. He shouted for him to run, but Lorenzo remained motionless, unable to move as his friend’s warning was lost in the constant blare of gunfire. None of them were ready.
“The cycle is repeating. It is not safe.” The voice was soft and weak, yet it carried over the gunfire and battle cries without impediment.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More