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I'm a cutter
That's all I'll ever be
Once you've learnt that
Defining fact about me.

You'll call me mad
Assume that I'm sad
And that I want
Your help.

You'll check my arms
Only matters if you can see
But I can hide them
All over me.

You'll think I'm sick
Sick in the head
And that makes me feel
Like I want to be dead.

I don't do it
For attention
I don't do it
For a mention
I don't do it
To rebel.
I do it because of
The spell
That it's cast over me.
Meh. :)
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:iconlostsiren111:
LostSiren111 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. Good for you for admitting to the world what you struggle with. I am sorry for people being unsympathetic and rude about it. :hug: I really like this. Thank you for writing it.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it. :hug:
Reply
:icontintinytdj:
Tintinytdj Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"You'll think I'm sick
Sick in the head
And that makes me feel
Like I want to be dead."
Well then, this proves his point.
Wanting to be dead is caused by you being "sick in the head".

Not wanting attention yet letting him search for cuts on your body is contradictory.
Not wanting attention yet posting stuff like this on the internet is contradictory.
Complaining about being labeled as a cutter yet acknowledging your cutter-status is contradictory.
Me putting actual thought into this yet not caring about any of this is contradictory.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"Wanting to be dead" is caused by depression, which is definitely not the same as being "sick in the head".

I don't let anyone search for cuts on my body. My guardians (my grandmother and my aunt) will look over my arms though, something that I can do nothing about. This has nothing to do with wanting attention.

I post stuff like this on the internet because it feels like a release. Also, I want to let other people who feel like this know that they are not alone. Somebody even said in a comment that this made them want to stop cutting. This has nothing to do with wanting attention.

It is hard to not acknowledge being labelled as a 'cutter'. Besides, I was using the terminology in my poem as a reference to point out to people that the label exists and how much it can hurt.

To be honest, I agree with your last point; you 'not caring' but taking time out of your day to be rude about my poetry/life clearly is contradictory. And it makes me think you are wanting the attention of a pissed-off reply. :)
Reply
:icontintinytdj:
Tintinytdj Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Suicidal tendencies are generally signs of serious mental problems.
I find it hard to believe that there aren't people outside of your guardians who know about the cuttening and yet do not actively search for your cuts and/or give you special attention because of your cutter-status, be it negative or positive.
Generally, people who feel like this are actively searching for poems just like this one.
Searching through the comments I've noticed that at least 99% of them are positive, and that you've replied to most of them.
Every comment is a little bit of positive attention, and you acknowledge that by thanking them for commenting by giving that attention back by commenting.
Using labels you know hurt yourself and/or others (but especially yourself) still seems contradictory to me; you can't really attach that much taboo to a word you casually use in poetry, can you?


I disagree with your last point, as I've never felt any gratification over my 300+ hours of doing stuff like this.
Reply
:iconalexisnotominous:
Alexisnotominous Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student General Artist
Please for the love of the internet leave now and never come back, because you are acting ignorant. Do you fully understand what it is like to bring yourself to the point where you think that your life is worthless. Do you have personal experience with this because then if not who are you to judge when you have no personal or sentimental understanding. "sick in the head" is just a generalised term.
You call ColdKid an attention seeker yet here you are replying to her to get your point across you yourself are getting attention and looking at your Deviantart page it is something you are severely lacking.
What happened to freedom of speech when you are being called out by people like you who are brining the speakers down.
Opening up in many forms is medicinal and can help mental health.
Reply
:icontintinytdj:
Tintinytdj Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ad hominem, ad hominem...
"And can help mental health."
And there you go.

"Yes, but 'mental problems' are not the same as being 'sick in the head'. "
And there you go.

"What happened to freedom of speech when you are being called out by people like you who are bringing the speakers down."
Because we shouldn't be free to speak back, apparently.
Reply
:iconalexisnotominous:
Alexisnotominous Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Student General Artist
There is constructive criticism and then there is childish insults in the face of defeat

Sick in the head is a derogatory term used in this piece of writing to demonstrate in some form mental problems could you please take the dick out of your ear and listen.
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:icontintinytdj:
Tintinytdj Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Someone's mad~
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, thanks for sticking up for me; love you my BFF!!

:iconpancakeglompplz:
Reply
:iconalexisnotominous:
Alexisnotominous Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student General Artist
:icontardglompplz:
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, but 'mental problems' are not the same as being 'sick in the head'.

My two best friends (one male, one female) know that I cut. My guardians only know that I used to. And neither of them search me for cuts because a) I wouldn't let them and b) because they're mostly at the tops of my legs. Nobody who knows normally gives me 'special attention', largely because they know that I hate it.

There is nothing wrong with that. If it helps people feel better to read poems that relate to their own situation, then surely they should be free to do that if it offers them comfort.

I respond to every single comment I get. I don't really understand your point; surely everyone who posts stuff on here wants comments and thus it is only fair to thank people for giving them.

I can. Largely because I used it to illustrate a point. And judging by how riled it's getting you, it has more than served its purpose.

Why would you get gratification for being rude for over three-hundred hours?
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:icontintinytdj:
Tintinytdj Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Cross referencing here, bear with me.
"And can help mental health."
There you go.

"Yes, but 'mental problems' are not the same as being 'sick in the head'. "
And there you go.

Rest of it is fine, basic ethics etc, but:
"Why would you get gratification for being rude for over three-hundred hours?"
You implied that yourself;
"And it makes me think you are wanting the attention of a pissed-off reply. ".
Why'd I want it, then? You tell me.
Reply
:iconblacksheep6:
BlackSheep6 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
For fuck's sake.... I know this conversation is a year old but I don't care. Can't you people, everybody, be gentle? 
Could you possibly restrain yourselves from destructive, irrelevant criticism? I mean, someone posts a poem about how sad they and how they self-harm and the first thing onyour mind is to criticise them and shit on their head? Can't just just close the damn tab and let them be if you don't like it? There's so many other things to do, yet you decide to waste time criticising people who self-harm, claiming they're something like attention-whores. Yeah, that's brilliant, really. It fucking deserves an award....for being awfully insensible!!

Also, Sick in the head?  Could that possibly be meant in some other way apart from literal? Could it possibly have a context? 

Also, how can you just go and attack the author of this poem for replying to comments and therefore, acknowledging the attention she's getting becaue of the poem? Why shouldn't she?! We are human beings, we all need attention, we DIE without attention of other human beings. The problem is, when people want too much attention but those usually don't write poetry about cutting because it doesn't pay off so well. They do ridiculously stupid and dangerous things. Posting a few verses isn't dangerous or harmful or anything so .... why did you start criticising it so much anyway, you and people like you should've simply closed the tab and go do something that makes you happy. It'd be better for all of us. 
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You literally do not have a single point that actually makes any form of sense.

But if I'm to hazard a guess at your question, I'd say that you do it for attention. Which is kinda sad really, isn't it? Being mean to teenage girls for attention. Well done.
Reply
:iconmatreon:
Matreon Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is great! Very powerful and people can relate. I know I can. I'm a cutter and I'm trying to stop. This just gave me some much needed motivation.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! I'm so glad that this gave you motivation to stop. :hug:
Reply
:iconkatie-venerelli:
Katie-Venerelli Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well, someone's been reading my journal, now haven't they :D
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:iconkatie-venerelli:
Katie-Venerelli Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :hug:
Reply
:iconroxyourfuzzysoxoff:
roxyourfuzzysoxoff Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This poem is really good! I used to cut, as well and I must say I found this poem really inspiring. I was nearly a year clean (until a couple weeks ago) when my boyfriend turned out to be a creepy-creep-o and decided to do some not so good things that have caused a lot of panic attacks and all sorts of trauma recently.
Anyways, it's been tough dealing with all of it along with all the other dilemmas that have been popping up in my life and your poem was one I found really helpful.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much!

I hope things work out for you and I'm so pleased that you found this helpful. :hug:
Reply
:iconqueen-of-the-night99:
Queen-Of-The-Night99 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Funny this reminds me of myself in so many ways..
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:iconqueen-of-the-night99:
Queen-Of-The-Night99 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw thanks! :)
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:iconpurplekitsune1993:
Purplekitsune1993 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Interface Designer
its morbid and beautiful i love it
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks; glad you liked it! :D
Reply
:iconpurplekitsune1993:
Purplekitsune1993 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Interface Designer
its very morbid and i use to be a cutter so it speaks not me O.O but its beautiful
Reply
:iconskaias-orbit:
Skaias-Orbit Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Really nice! Reminds me of one of my characters.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :)
Reply
:iconlevitating-narwhal:
Levitating-Narwhal Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student General Artist
This was really....touching. I don't cut, but my Girlfriend might. Not sure if she does or not, but I assume she does. I don't check her arms, but I try to comfort her as best I can. Sometimes I don't think it's enough, but I try. She's Bipolar, so it can swing anyway at any time. Keeps me on my toes, but she's worth it. :D
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)

I can tell you love your girlfriend very much; you must be a huge help to her. :)
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:iconlevitating-narwhal:
Levitating-Narwhal Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem. I try to be a help; but you win some you lose some. And yes. Yes I do. :D
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:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
It is beautiful. It's also sad that most people can't understand that not everyone who cuts is sick or sad or whatever.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)
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:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
You're welcome.
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:iconvicthevampire:
victhevampire Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I've been there so don't think i am saying this out of spite. But if you don't do it for attention you wouldn't draw attention to it like this.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't do it for attention. I just view dA as an anonymous (so there is no real attention) way to get my feelings out.
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:iconvicthevampire:
victhevampire Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
just because it's "anonymous" doesn't mean you aren't getting attention. Every comment you have here is a little bit of attention. Don't say it's not for the attention because the attention feels good. i know it does. there is nothing wrong with needing a little bit of positive attention. Just be honest with yourself.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I write because I love writing and it's a release. I post it on dA so I can get feedback. I cut for my own reasons. I don't do any of it for attention. In fact, I hate attention.
Reply
:iconvicthevampire:
victhevampire Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You may hate negative attention. And the condescending, judgmental sort of attention most people give cutters. But you do not hate attention. Like i said, be honest with yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know someone is thinking about you. Everyone wants attention, everyone. People just have different ways of seeking it.
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:iconbritlawrence:
BritLawrence Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
:iconfblikeplz:
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:iconshaderovi:
Shaderovi Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
I remember when the subject of cutting one's self came into a conversation, every person around me quickly came with the usual. The "that's crazy" or "insane". I've never cut, but I never had the same opinion as them. I met a friend not long ago who instead of cutting, used to burn herself. A "stress free moment", she called it. Stress free... Isn't that what most people look for these days? A moment where you can just... let go? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it's a GOOD thing. But the thought might have crossed my mind before, even if I knew I'd never be able to. I know this is just one more random comment people will skip... Why am I even posting this? Maybe I just wanted to get it off my chest... Maybe...
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know exactly what you mean; whenever one of my friends starts as conversation about cutting, most people instantly turn and say "that's sick" or "that's wrong". I think that's what makes it so hard for people to pluck up the courage to ask for help.

I have experimented with burning myself in the past. I think that most self-harmers would agree with your friend about it being a "stress free moment", something that a lot of other people can't/don't want to understand.

Thanks for commenting! :hug:
Reply
:iconshaderovi:
Shaderovi Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist
No problem. And remember that we all need to be able to resist whatever hell the world throws at us. Stay strong! :huggle:
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:iconmaybeawriter:
Maybeawriter Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I didn't skip over it. :hug:
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:iconshaderovi:
Shaderovi Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
You don't know how good that is to know. :hug:
Reply
:iconfallenlover72:
fallenlover72 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
I knew what you mean by this. I know too many people who try to make my cutting, or someone else's, about them or what they can do. <3 (I also love your writing style. the alternating rhyme patterns make me really happy~)
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:

Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconliteraryphenom:
LiteraryPhenom Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
I used to cut, as well. I had depression, no friends, the works, you know? I've had a big turn-around in my life and i'm not sad anymore, that black cloud doesn't hover over me, and i see the silver lining in everything that happens to me now.

But when something goes wrong, like really wrong, i still feel this desire to just cut. I pondered it for a little while and i've come up with this explanation...

people who have anorexia control the intake of food, because they (most, many, some, what have you) feel that it's the only thing they can control in their lives. They can't control how much pain they are in, how other people think of them, or what chores they're supposed to do at home.

People who have depression {and please don't think i'm calling you crazy or sinical or depressed or anything at all, i don't know you and can't begin to assume things about you lol i'm just sharing my thoughts on reasons for my own behavior} feel like that as well. I was just in so much emotional pain and it hurt my head and my heart and my physical body so BADLY and i just wanted it to stop. I found that cutting [and i never cut through skin to the point that i bled. i'm a woos.] was painful too. It hurt, it really really hurt, but i was able to stop when i was done with it. I could control how much pain i was in, and having that ability was a useful tool. When i was in those really bad moods, it was like my emotions were at a hightened and volatile state, again a state that i couldn't control and couldn't get out of. I was just stuck there and couldn't do anything about it. I found that cutting was a way for me to bring myself back down to a normal level. After a few lines, i was able to sigh and step back and say "Okay, i'm okay and i can handle this now." It was a tool i used to get OUT of those sticky emotional situations.

And eventually, i didn't need to use it anymore and i could fix those situations without it :)

---------------
i am NOT saying that slicing your veins is a good way to solve problems. I'm not saying suicide is an option. This is what i observed from my own experiences, which were not as severe as others i knew. I had a friend who committed suicide and i would never wish it on anyone.
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