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Submitted on
July 8
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Here we go again.

Another scratch,
Another panic attack,
Just when I thought I was done.
Well, ain’t it fun,
To be a nervous wreck?

Only I’m a big kid now.
Seventeen.
Too old
To be the resident
Drama queen.
Nobody cares
When you’re not beautiful.

God, I sound emo.
And so maybe I am
(by definition, at least)
But I feel like a sham –
What am I to you?

Would you care
If I lived out my dark little fantasies?
Got swallowed by the dark seas,
Of my soul?

Would you care
If I went back to the blade
That you forbade
Me to seek solace in?

If you knew what went on in my head,
A million different ways
To make me dead,
Would you tell me to just
‘Not feel down’ anymore?

If I could stop feeling this way,
Believe me,
I would.
Stop thinking like this?
If only
I could.
Wow, haven't written something this depressing in ages.


Side note: By writing this, I am not trying to glorify or romanticise things like self-harm, depression, anxiety, etc. As someone who has been through all of the above, I know that it is not something to be romanticised and if you feel like the above poem, feel free to note me if you want a chat or whatever. I wrote this just because I felt like I had to get it out. 

Another side note: You are beautiful and don't let anyone tell you any different. :)
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:iconlovemondotrasho:
lovemondotrasho Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It takes a lot of strength to write and post something like this for everyone to see, and I am truly taken aback at the magnitude of this poem.  

I completely relate to this at the moment, and I find myself telling certain people this all the time.  People can say anything they want, but there will always be a seed of doubt in everyone's mind. 

I'm just in awe at this poem and how your poetry always has the ability to render me speechless.  I also wholeheartedly agree with the side note.  

:') beautiful poem, and don't stop fighting!  I'm sure you're told this all the time, but one who gives so many people faith deserves to be reminded of why they're fighting. :love: :hug: 
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:iconzidayazenovka:
ZidayaZenovka Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Powerful. 
Reply
:iconbetterscarletmystery:
BetterScarletMystery Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh I know the feels well. D: Between the seizures and panic attacks, not fun...

also - great poem :)
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:icondarketernalshadows:
DarkEternalShadows Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Student General Artist
Whoa. That took the air out of my lungs. It feels like you wrote this for me. Like we sat in a room face to face talking and after hearing my life story, you wrote this. This is very beautiful.
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:iconflameboy007:
Flameboy007 Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014
Keep fighting Ellie. Keep. Fighting. You're strong. Remember that ok?

The last part made my eyes water. ❤️
Reply
:iconsuddendeathlyhymour:
SuddenDeathlyHymour Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I liked it, but for some reason I can imagine this as a screamo song. No idea why. O.o
Reply
:iconpseudonym-chan:
Pseudonym-chan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That last line made my heart drop.
Reply
:iconillusionistmiguel:
illusionistmiguel Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad I read this because it reminds me that I'm not alone. Stay strong young one!
Reply
:iconandysdrawings:
AndysDrawings Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I literally sang this to the tune of Here we go again.. I kinda wanna be more than friends. 
It worked really well actually. Loved it.
Reply
:iconelectricviolet52:
ElectricViolet52 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
CorporateRockWhore, you never fail to help me have faith. You, my friend, are amazing. AMAZING.
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