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Written Thoughts by DeathLife97

victimsunited by nnn1997


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Submitted on
February 28, 2012
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Come on, just look at me,
I lost Happy to Misery,
In a dance with Pedigree,
Amidst the sirens of Apathy,
In the mosh pit in my head.

Can't you see how fun I am?
When my Pride's on the lam,
Sipping Sorrow like Baby Cham,
Falling foul of Honesty's scam,
On the dance floor in my chest.

I look so grievously good,
Doing what Agony should,
And what Depravity would,
In command of the red regiments stood,
On the catwalk of my wrist.

I can hear them pounding,
Watching and surrounding,
Laughing and floundering,
With Pain and Woe hounding,
In the nightclub of my gut.

My guests are saying to,
Cheer no longer pulling through,
Despair sticking like glue,
With Sin ready to sue,
At the opera in my throat.

Watch me as I lose control,
As Loneliness takes it's toll,
Filling out Insanity's role,
Joining Death's lost shoal,
Inside the crypt of life.

See my eyes flutter and fade,
Marching in the Black Parade,
Finding shelter in Hate's shade,
And losing all I had ever made,
As the curtain closes,
To a dozen black roses,
At the party in Pity's house.
I got inspiration for this when someone commented on another one of my poems ("Who Needs Friends?"), calling it an "emo pity party", and I thought that sounded kind of cool; thus birthing this useless ramble.
Please let me know what you think/how to improve.
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:iconkaren-chanoverdrive:
Karen-chanOVERDRIVE Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2012
an emo pity part lol

I really like your poems, (and for some reason, I always really love the endings. I especially love the last stanza of this one)

that's really cool that you found inspiration to write this from someone's comment
You're a great poet
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much; I'm extremely pleased that you like my crap! :glomp:
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:iconkaren-chanoverdrive:
Karen-chanOVERDRIVE Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012
Tis not crap, my friend *hugs back*
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:D
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:iconrebbiechan:
RebbieChan Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Turning a troll/flame comment into great poetry? That's skill right there :D
Great work^^
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :D
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:iconuruwashiijoshii:
uruwashiijoshii Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with Amani. Darling, you are wonderful. I would sweep you up and hug you senseless if I could, just at the sheer hilarity of how funny you turning a comment like that around is.

Genius way to start a poem, very nice poem. You're probably right, not one of your best works, but I imagine the first commentor, Snipe, is right. You're very good, but I think you may find your criticism very lax over here compared to what an English Major in England might judge your work, just because it's easy for an American to fall in love with even the composition of English dialogue. It sounds witty and awe-inspiring, even in text. You'll have to excuse us, because we have 'no' backgrounding in the arts anymore, most Americans.

I suppose what I'm saying is get use to it, just in a subtle way. Oh, I hope at least the advice you receive carries you through and you don't get a big head.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much; I'm glad you found it funny! It just seemed like a shame to put such a potentially interesting insult to waste without at least trying to do something halfway productive with it.

It is definitely not my best by a long shot and the more I read it, the less I like it. I'm sure that's not true about Americans; you seem to have an amazing grasp on the arts and have an extremely thoughtful way of sharing your views!

I would hate to get a big head and I hope to God that I never do.

Thanks for taking the time to comment! :)
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:iconuruwashiijoshii:
uruwashiijoshii Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It would have indeed been a shame, and I'm glad you found the brighter of things so productively. Truly, not a lot of writers would have even done something at all with that at your age, much more make it so eloquently.

I'm sure you'll learn to like it and perhaps even build off of it with age, hopefully keeping your demeanor in an unbridled and carefree sort of sense. If it's more structured, hats off to you. Americans don't really allow for that sort of audience, it's horrible here.

As for my view-sharing, I'm good at it because I love to write and chat. It keeps me vibrant and a lot less aloof in the sense that I'm not completely disillusioned from the facts of the world, but it's not a great way to spend your time unless you can find a healthy community. I use to use chat software at your age but I was quite a bit more adventurous. Perhaps you can try a website that I often create characters on for role-playing. I'll send you a note. I must say, however, that I'm one of a kind. There are far and few Americans that will actually fall in love with the ideology behind writing or fine arts in general. Most of them seem more attuned towards the mainstream, and following rather than leading. They'd rather hear about what movies are good rather than "waste [their] time" rummaging through old ones or perhaps memorizing what directors put out what style of film in what genre, because I've met a few film buffs and they can tell just based on the stylistics, and mostly go for the new guys' work.

As for your relations with God and your self-esteem, don't hope to God. He made it and I'm sure he'll always think it's just fine unless you're lucky enough to hear it from a friend. You seem very even-tempered, though. I think you'll be great.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I looked at in a kind of "life gives you lemons, make lemonade" style-way. And thank you very much for calling it eloquent!

I'm very glad that you love to write and chat; your comments really do add interest and smiles to my day! You're definitely right about finding a healthy community though. I used to use this chat-site-thing, but I got kind of creeped out by the people on it; apparently being a girl on the internet means that you're some sort of cyber-slut (which I most certainly am NOT). Americans sound just like the English when it comes to following rather than leading, I guess people are kind of like sheep waiting for society to herd them onto the greenest field.

Thank you very much! :hug:
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