I’m ugly and fat
But I can deal with that
‘Cause it means people like me for me;
Not for what they see.
Such a ContradictionI'm just that fat kid
Starved of hope.
I'm just that cutter
Reaching for rope.
I'm just that dumb blonde
Reading all night.
I'm just that coward
Bleeding for a fright.
I'm just that child
I'm just that girl
With messy hair.
I'm just that burner
Wanting to be cool.
I'm just that geek
Scared of school.
I'm just that emo
Smiling with glee.
You're just another drone
But you'll never be me.
TodayI saw something in the mirror today that kinda creeped me out.
It was a girl wearing a smile, not a frown nor a pout.
Her eyes were wide and shining, just as a summer sun.
Her laugh wasn't wooden and fake, but true and full of fun.
Her irises reflected happiness, not a trace of pain.
She was under perfect skies; not a drop of rain.
Angels swam around her, keeping the devil at bay.
Her life was precious and she wasn't throwing it away.
Her lips were red and shinging with a pure smile.
It was a sight her mirror hadn't seen in a very long while.
She wasn't at all pretty but a care she did not give.
Because today she woke up and said, "Today I am going to live."
Another Fallen OneThere was a lady on telly today,
Talking from a land far away;
Her kid had died,
Torn apart from the inside.
The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.
The lady was crying,
You could hear her heart dying
And mine did too.
I could've been that kid,
What with all the things I did
And my family could've been her;
Left with nothing but despair.
I envy the kid
For doing what she did.
I thank the kid,
Making me think about what I nearly did.
I mourn the kid,
Gone because of what others did.
Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,
Because there's always that person
Who'll miss you,
Praying you'll pull through
Until memories of your smile is all they have.
Hope (I Won't)I won't let a razor blade
Take away this life I've made.
I won't let the shame and guilt
Ruin everything I've built.
I won't let being wrong
Stop me from being strong.
I won't let sorrow and pain
Resurrect the demons that I've slain.
I won't let ugly spite
Tell me that I'm not right.
I won't let the dark past
Make my endless hurt last.
I won't let this noose
Leave me hanging loose.
I won't let the world win;
My life is only just about to begin.
Do As I Say, Not As I DoDo as I say,
Not as I do
'Cause I'd hate to see cuts
All over you.
They check my wrists
And think that I'm fine.
If they checked my hips,
They'd see many a line.
It's my hobby,
That thing that I do
No matter what though,
I pray you never do.
Things I'll Never SayThere are certain things I’ll never say,
Like how I thought about killing myself today
Just to keep my own scary thoughts away.
Like how I stay awake way too late
To be sure I don’t awake in a bloody state.
Like how I soaked white into red last night
And turned myself into a ghastly sight.
Like how it hurts too much to breathe
When I make my own skin seethe.
Like how I Google things I shouldn’t
When I want to do things I couldn’t.
Like how I’m scared of being alone
Yet I’m only happy when I’m on my own.
Like how I know I’ll wind up killing myself
And turn into just a dusty photo on a dusty shelf.
Like how I make myself bleed every day
Even though I know I can’t go on this way.
Like how I maybe want someone to see
And for them to somehow help me.
But nobody will ever help me,
Because those are all the things I’ll never say.
Cross My WristsCross my wrists and hope to die,
I will only ever lie
When you ask me if I’m fine
Or if I like this life of mine.
If I had a gun,
I’d put it to my head
And turn bouncy blonde,
Into ruby red.
You want me to stop cutting;
I’ll stop when I’m dead.
The last time I’ll cut
Will be the last thing I see
When I finally put an end to me.
Dying sounds good right now,
Just fading into black
And never coming back
To the agony living brings.
Perhaps you’ll find me hanging,
Or after OD’ing;
Someday soon you’ll find me,
It’s too late now,
I’m too far gone.
Now I’m just a ghost
Of who could’ve been someone.
Turning PointWhen I was a kid
I thought that ‘gay’ was just an insult
And as a result
I cried when a big kid called me it.
When I was a tween
My teacher said she was worried about two guys
Who always locked eyes
And I didn’t get why she was wrong to say it.
When I was a teen
I went on the internet and found out it all
When I started to fall
For both boys and girls and I didn’t get why.
When I was a teen
I made out with a girl from my school
It was pretty cool
But I was too scared to tell anyone.
When I’m an adult
I’m gonna tell my kids that it’s okay
To be bi or trans or gay
Or any other orientation
Because, well, it is.
Forever YoursI'll always be your little girl,
And I still need you here
It's become so clear
That I can't handle things alone.
Every time I think of you
I try to forget
Because everything I never said
Is everything that I regret.
I wish I was the one taken;
I know they miss you more
And the world would be less shaken
If it'd lost this blonde bore.
You were my mother,
My sister and my friend
And no other
Will ever replace that;
Why wasn't I there at the end?
Sometimes I wake at night
Crying for you like a kid
Who doesn't understand what they did
To be left behind.
SometimesSometimes I just feeling like crying,
Like screaming and dying
But I've gotten so good at lying,
You'd never ever guess.
Sometimes I talk and talk and talk,
Or simply go for a walk
Sometimes I'm cheese and sometimes chalk,
Who even is Me?
Sometimes I hate them and you,
Everyone else too
But then I don't have a clue
'Cause it hurts to be this lonely.
Sometimes I forget it all,
Stand proud and tall
But then I fall
And I'm in Hell again.
To YouTo the girl I saw
With the sad, sad eyes.
To the boy I met
Who wasn't allowed to cry.
To the man I saw
Who was falsely accused.
To the woman I met
Who was badly abused.
This is my ode to you
For you live on despite it.
I'm so proud of you
For you can still fight it.
The world is against you,
But it's not your fault.
It's just the way
This world was taught.
So live on, live on,
Don't you give up here.
It gets better later,
The light is near.
I believe in you,
I know you can make it.
I'll reach out my hand,
If you need it, just take it.
You're not invisible,
And you'll be fine.
What You KnowSometimes the disinfectant hurts more than the infection,
Sometimes the pain is better than the protection.
Sometimes the tears sting more than the smile,
Sometimes the yard tires more than the mile.
Sometimes the blood shines brighter than the blade,
Sometimes the heart is blacker than the spade.
Sometimes the kiss is sharper than the slap,
Sometimes the lure is worth the trap.
Sometimes the night is lighter than the day,
Sometimes the beast is weaker than the prey.
Sometimes the cut hurts less than the sob,
Sometimes the break is harder than the job.
Sometimes the lie is prettier than the truth,
Sometimes the alibi is better than the proof.
Sometimes the hate is kinder than the love,
Sometimes the buzzard is holier than the dove.
Sometimes the loser gains more than the winner,
Sometimes the saint is worse than the sinner.
Sometimes the girl is stronger than the boy,
Sometimes the child is more broken than the toy.
Sometimes the poison is sweeter than the cure,
Sometimes the dirty are
Red ScreamsSmiling at me, shiny silver teeth
Begging my wrist
For one chaste
Grinning at me, that evil smirk
Making my heart pound
So sharp so
I know I
And really I
Arm’s too full of blood
From attempts to
Join the stars.
Photo album of
My diary of my
I am still
The Kind of PersonI’m the kind of person
Who would kill to remember
But would die to forget;
Who has done awful things
But finds solace in regret.
I’m the kind of person
Who doesn’t like people
But is desperate for friends;
Who loves new beginnings
But fears oncoming ends.
I’m the kind of person
Who aches to be loved
But knows love is a lie;
Who wants to feel alive
But is longing to die.
I’m the kind of person
Who dreams of a future
But is stuck in the past;
Who always plays to win
But is eternally last.
I'm the kind of person
Who smiles at the sun
But is burning with cold;
Who wants to stay young
But is already too old.
I’m the kind of person
Who expects the worst
But tries to keep hope;
Who is good with a blade
But will end it with rope.
Secrets...Secrets are things that people won't tell,
Despite the greatest truths
Hidden within them.
Secrets are things that people lie to
In fear of you finding out what's
Sweetie, here are a few secrets
That I feel must be shared,
Because they've been kept for
You are beautiful. You are stronger than your weaknesses.
You are unique. You are different. You are perfect.
You are not defined by your sadness, nor are you defined by the stereotypes.
You are not broken, despite the the scars and missing pieces.
You are powerful.
You are a fighter.
I know no one has whispered
These things to you.
The only things that people won't tell,
Are the secrets.
And that's because the secrets are true.
All Her Little ThingsStop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from..
Stop demanding her to do things,
Things she can't accomplish,
Things she can't imagine being done...
Stop lying to her,
Telling her you love her,
Want her, need her...
When all you've ever done is make her want to
Stop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from...
When those little things you've done
Take her down...
The little things won't matter anymore.
ProblemsHatred, whether based on
Hatred is the problem.
Gun Within The MirrorIt feels as if my reflection
Points a gun at its own head,
As my bullet shoots the mirror
And paints the floor with red,
And it feels as if my gun
Just isn't steady in my hand,
Because darling, when I jump off cliffs,
Do you think I always land?
It feels as if the razor blade
Might be my only friend,
And it feels as if the broken glass
Might soon begin to bend,
Because my reflection is distorted, love.
Can't you see that, love, can't you see?
I'm pointing a gun at the mirror,
And the mirror points back at me.
What's Happening?"She seems like a whore"
"You're kind of bitchy"
People say I'm--
"He's cheating with you, isn't he?"
What are you--
"You act like such a slut"
I haven't even--
"You sure you're not a lesbian"
"God, you're so lazy"
I am not! I--
"You never take anything seriously!"
Maybe, but I--
"You're, like, a 9 on the scale"
"You're so nice all the time"
"I never knew you were so deep"
There's a lot of--
"You're what this place is missing"
You really think--
"You're always so optimistic"
Well, yeah, I--
"Everyone loves you"
"I think you'll go far"
I dont know--
You ask me what I'm talking about
When I seem so so confused
Why won't you just make up your mind, everybody
It's not like I've got something left to lose
I'm beaten down and brought back up
Now, every single day
Is this some sick tric
Am I Good Enough...?Legs crossed on a cold basement floor,
Blood stains painting my flesh,
The wounds deeper than ever before,
A white gown now a short black dress.
Long tangled hair clinging to my tears
Wind howling through the trees,
Moonlight painting a sky so clear,
And darling, I'm going to be set free.
My fingers scratch at the blood on my skin,
A delightful pain at the thought of a touch,
And hey, everyone who said I wasn't worth it,
Now am I good enough?
Mama's EyesShe said to her daughter,
And her little girl
No longer little
Looked up in her mama's eyes,
And Mama thought nothing of it,
Till her little girl
No longer little
Never looked up in her mama's eyes
Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
But at least it makes me
A letter to my watchersSmiling through your pain,
Till the wounds stop bleeding.
Running through your clouds
Once the sky stops raining.
Never saying never,
Going faster, stronger, better
Even when the
Raindrops seem to fall down forever.
Till the birds start to sing, and
Happiness overwhelms you,
And a smile takes over your face
Now and eternally.
Surviving through the pain,
Until the wounds stopped bleeding.
It never seemed it would end,
Crying, screaming, dying...
Indeed it did, it
Even when the raindrops would never end.
His BallerinaA gown of silk, flowing as a stream,
Her footsteps so gentle, perhaps she was a dream,
As he crouches near bushes to glare at the unseen,
And she danced like ballerina.
Her fingers combed her golden hair,
A perfect lady who didn't care
To see the man that would never dare
To touch a ballerina.
But desire grew, and patience died,
As a lovely girl danced before his eyes,
So he buried his heart, pulled out a knife,
And tickled the ballerina.
She fought his hands, in fear of death,
A dirty blade sinking through her chest,
For he would never settle for something less,
As she screamed,
She took her final breath...
And the wind grew calm, barely blowing on the stream.
Her voice so quiet (perhaps it was a dream).
As he closes his eyes, cradling his queen...
His beautiful ballerina.
You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
Lying is Bad (A message to myself)Hello darling.
Have you ever held a needle to your wrist?
Have you ever skipped a meal because you were hungry?
Have you ever punched your stomach before falling asleep?
Have you ever felt wrong, because you told someone you were okay? (After all, lying is bad.)
Have you ever rocked back and forth without realizing, until someone else told you to stop?
Have you ever slammed your head against your wall so you might forget your situation?
Have you ever cried in a thunderstorm so no one would hear your cries for help?
Have you ever worn long sleeves and said it was because you were chilly... then felt horrible? (After all, lying is bad.)
Hello darling, I know you have.
But remember, you're strong. You're worthy.
You're more powerful than your sadness.
You are incredible.
You have been through more than you know,
And fought through more than you know...
And you've survived much more than you know.
You are going to make it.
You are going to push through this.
You are going to
Mental Disorder DinerWhy hello there miss.
Welcome to battered and scarred restaurant,
where disorders are over cooked, raw or however you like it.
Would you like to start with our appet…. I mean anxiety disorders?
I'll start off simple with panic disorder,
while being a simple dish, it has a bad after taste of fear.
You can taste the fear from here.
Next up we have our social anxiety disorder,
This disorder is on back order and
too scared to show up to the meal sometimes.
It does however come with a side of sweat
No, not your style?
PTSD is our special appetizer of the day,
because it only trusts on some days
and comes with flashbacks on the side.
Next we're on to our specials, considered the hardest disorders.
First is bi polarity, which will take you through a number of sensations.
from sad blue to normal grey to euphoric high yellow,
Schizophrenia is a unpopular one of many,
the hallucinations are controlling and over cooked.
A bit too difficult to chew?
Our main courses are eating disorders.