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I used to cut myself.

Some of the marks faded,
But some stayed
And now I’m forever jaded.
People have kissed my scars,
Others have turned away
But here is what I have to say;
It isn’t beautiful.

When it hurts to walk
Because your thighs are bleeding,
When you can’t talk
About the help you’re needing;
It isn’t beautiful.

When it’s boiling outside
But you have to wear sleeves
Because of your bloody little
Reprieves;
It isn’t beautiful.

When your friends
Are scared of you,
For you,
Of the things you do;
It isn’t beautiful.

When you feel so worthless,
So down and out,
Used up and empty,
And all you do is shout
But nobody hears,
Because you silence it
With sleeves;
It isn’t beautiful.

When they find out
And you see how much,
How deeply they care
And they hate themselves
For not being aware;
It isn’t beautiful.

When they take it away,
And monitor you
And you’re itching all over,
Desperate for it,
For one last hit
And you’re a nervous wreck;
It isn’t beautiful.

So please
Stop romanticising it.
Take it from a girl
With lines and lies
All up her
Arms and thighs;
It isn’t beautiful.
This is something I've been wanting to write for a while. I self-harmed for over three years, having finally stopped this January just gone. And something that really annoys me is when I see people romanticising it and making it out to be something beautiful. Maybe I even bought into that idea too, perhaps I even promoted it. But that's why romanticising something like self-harm is so dangerous; it makes it look like it's an okay thing to do, that it's cool and beautiful or whatever. It isn't. It's dangerous, painful and incredibly unhealthy. You hurt yourself and you hurt everyone around you, everyone who cares; even if you think there isn't anyone who cares, trust me, there always is. 

Sorry for the rant, but I really wanted to say it. If you ever need to talk about self-harm or if you have any questions, always feel free to note me. :hug:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconstargirl199:
stargirl199 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2015  New member
good job nice poem it has deep feelings that can make u think of many people who are living this right now.
Reply
:icontheawkwardfangirl:
TheAwkwardFangirl Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I have mostly stopped self-harming out of depression or rage, but I still self-harm because I have dermatillomania (derma:skin; tillo:pull; mania:insane/obsessive). So I know how it feels to have ugly skin and scars. There are cuts and calluses all over my fingers that spontaneously bleed in cold weather. I pull and cut until I get blood everywhere and have to bandage up my fingers. Believe me, I know people are concerned about me, and I know being covered in scars is NOT beautiful, and it is not something to be proud of. People don't understand the anguish behind cutting/self injuring, or how it can inconvenience things that would otherwise be easy to do. Thank you for writing this. :) 
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: :hug: :hug:
Reply
:icontheawkwardfangirl:
TheAwkwardFangirl Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Hug 
Reply
:icondelilahslender:
Delilahslender Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
This is very true
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconthelastheart:
TheLastHeart Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2015  Student General Artist
Heart Pika Arca Hug 
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconannoyance12:
Annoyance12 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  Student General Artist
I am sorry that you did that, but this poem... it's so beautiful. What it's about may not be, but the poem sure is. Hug 
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconannoyance12:
Annoyance12 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Student General Artist
You sure are welcome. You have a gift for writing and I hope you write more soon. :D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconghostskeletonbride:
GhostSkeletonBride Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014
I used to cut;describes it perfectly . I don't cut anymore , but I have several scars .
Reply
:iconghostskeletonbride:
GhostSkeletonBride Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014
It's been a year since I stopped , so yay .
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Same - I don't cut anymore, but I have scars. Well done on stopping! :hug:
Reply
:iconbooblicious2000:
booblicious2000 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014
I absolutely love this piece. The experience is so evident in your words that it really strikes a cord with someone whos been through the same thing. No one could have said it any better.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much :hug: :hug: :hug:
Reply
:iconanileseybear:
Anileseybear Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
But this IS beautiful. Your writing is beautiful. The scars themselves and perhaps everything that goes along with it isn't but you are beautiful. <3
Reply
:iconaart212:
aart212 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014
I always wondering how the fuck do you decide to cut yourself, is it like you walk into the bathroom and see and razor and say "that looks hella sharp wonder what i can do with it".
Reply
:icondesearu:
desearu Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014
The Internet is full of explanations you can read.
You don't need to ask someone who actually cut themself and make it sound like they did it out of stupidity...
Reply
:iconflameboy007:
Flameboy007 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014
:')
Reply
:iconxdruchii:
xDruchii Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014
My older brother is a paranoid schizophrenic. One of his symptoms is selfharm. He doesn't cut himself, he burns hmself, but i suppose the effects are the same. Speaking as a sibling, there is nothing, absolutely nothing beatiful about selfharm. It is either a serious mental illness or it is a symptom of one. The scars are up and down his arms and torso, and i get the urge to physically cringe when i see them. I can see how much it hurts the rest of my family, myself and my brother. If you feel the urge to selfharm, please seek help.

Btw, sorry for posting two comments, i just needed to write this after i read some of the other stories. I am very glad that you're doing better :)
Reply
:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I used to do this... But I haven't since like...... I think December,
but to people who still do, (you can note me I don't mind ^^)
you re all beautiful so please stop cause you re all amazing and you shouldn't want to hurt yourself. Things get better :3 trust me
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Well done for stopping - I'm really proud of you! :hug:
Reply
:iconfameisdead:
Fameisdead Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:3 
Reply
:iconyatzstar:
Yatzstar Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Hobbyist Filmographer
I consider myself blessed never to have struggled with self-harm, but I literally got teary-eyed reading these comments. To all out there who may need someone: there will ALWAYS be someone there to talk to, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Reply
:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow! This is a great poem.  I can relate to almost everything in it. I struggled with self-harm for 4 years and it's a horrible thing. It's an addiction and I also agree that people shouldn't be romanticising it. It's so serious. There are many times where I have been terribly afraid for my own life. But I still didn't seem to care. And that's how dangerous it can become.

I'm proud to say I'm 7 months, 1 week and 5 days clean. :) 
Recovery is so worth it every day! :hug:
Reply
:iconflameboy007:
Flameboy007 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014
I hope you're still clean :)
Reply
:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I am !! Almost 9 months :)
Reply
:iconflameboy007:
Flameboy007 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
Well done! I'm proud ❤️
Reply
:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconflameboy007:
Flameboy007 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014
:)
Reply
:iconson-of-icarus:
Son-of-Icarus Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You go, girl!
Reply
:iconnessie905:
Nessie905 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:D
Reply
:iconanimebvbfreak:
AnimeBVBFreak Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
A friend of mine saw my scars once, and his immediate reaction was to press two fingers to his lips and kiss them before pressing them on my scars. He said that I was beautiful, not the scars. That made me feel pretty special...
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's a lovely thing for him to have done. A girl I knew saw cuts on me once, slapped me, kissed the cuts and then kissed me. It's little things like that that helped me to stop.
Reply
:iconanimebvbfreak:
AnimeBVBFreak Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I always just feel so much better when people don't give me shit over it. They made me want to cry when they make faces.
Reply
:iconrafiki-is-my-king:
rafiki-is-my-king Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
you literally just put it in the way I've been wanting to for so long. Its the same with self-harm, eating disorders, depression and eating disorders, people just go around acting like its something 'beautifully tragic' and I'm like 'no go do your goddamned research'. thank you.
Reply
:iconmiss-anime-lover:
miss-anime-lover Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
I Love it... Wow, it took my breath away. I'm still moved by it and I've read it about 50 times and it still makes me emotional. 
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much; I'm really glad you liked it! :hug:
Reply
:iconson-of-icarus:
Son-of-Icarus Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, apologies, I should have asked you this a while ago - do you mind if I put this in favorites? It is a really meaningful piece to me, as I have always been the straightbacked sort of guy who hides any sort of pain, and tries to be perfect to meet my own (and parents' and professors') ridiculously high standards.
It's great to find someone who can express this eloquently in words when I cannot - I am not good with words.  
P.S. Don't let the trolls harass you! Let them rot in their dark holes!
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Of course you can put this in your favourites! 

You shouldn't hide pain; having a good cry every now and then is actually really healthy. And don't set yourself unobtainable standards - that way misery lies. 

Judging by this comment, I would say that you are very good with words. :)

:hug:
Reply
:iconson-of-icarus:
Son-of-Icarus Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, unobtainable standards and hard faces are the story of my life.
Aww, thanks for the reply. You have thoroughly touched - eh, scratch that. That just sounded wrong.
Your story has inspired me to do some midnight art( I don't sleep well, so nighttime has my unconscious mind coming out onto paper) and if I can ever get myself over my mental walls, I'll post it.
Reply
:iconava-avarose:
Ava-AvaRose Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014
Can totally relate with the unobtainable standards, I hold myself to them every day. I just have to put on a mask, never show the depression, the cutting, the sadness, the fear, the pain, the anger...

As with your late-night artwork (really, what other type is there?), I have never shared any of my darker stuff before either; I always delete them, or if I cant do it, hide them away, where no one will find them. This is my 3rd day without cutting, I really, really hope it lasts this time. 

Hope you can get the courage to post, I would really like to see your work. Maybe some day, I'll post mine too...


Reply
:iconson-of-icarus:
Son-of-Icarus Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hopefully I will get myself to post it. . .
You say "As with your late-night artwork (really, what other type is there?)," there is the drug induced variety. (I'm not a stoner - I just have allergies! Go read the story in my journal!)

Be strong! I believe in you - we're fighting the same battle.
I'm proud of you for forcing yourself not to cut - the longer you don't, the less of a need it becomes(but it still is hard).
Reply
:iconava-avarose:
Ava-AvaRose Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
Good luck with posting; I hope to see it soon! I decided today to post some of my work, my actual work instead of the happy, cheerful stuff I show to others... Really nervous, but hey, at least its anonymous. As for SI... I didn't make it. For me, the urge just kept getting stronger and stronger, I was sure I could manage it, and I think I would have, but I received some bad news and just couldn't stop myself. Someday Ill try again, hopefully... I just cant right now. Thanks for responding,
Ava
Reply
:iconson-of-icarus:
Son-of-Icarus Featured By Owner May 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Excelent! it is very expressive.
I'm proud of you for posting and writing - it's something that
I could never do. I'm not expressive with words like that.
I'm proud of you for fighting, and I want you to know that
there will be hard days and setbacks, but as long as you are
resisting, you are doing a great thing -don't let anyone tell
you otherwise.  
Reply
:iconava-avarose:
Ava-AvaRose Featured By Owner May 13, 2014
Thanks, and I really mean that. Is so nice to finally release I'm not alone in this; that there are others going through the same thing.
BTW, love the work that you do in leather; that takes talent.:) I've tried to tan it myself a couple times, but just don't have the patience. 
Ava
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconronaether:
RonAether Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
My god... Wow. Just wow... This is... Well, it's a touchy one for me. I myself was stuck in that position. Still am, if I'm honest. It's been like a month and I'm feeling a lot better, but there are bad days. If I didn't have the support I get from my friends, I most likely wouldn't be here to type this. Thank you for posting it, and for being so... Brutally honest, I guess. It's not pretty. It's painful and makes every single day a struggle when you're behind jeans and long sleeved tee shirts. Very well written, and very very true. Good luck in your own fight Heart  Hug emoticon.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Things will feel a lot better. I still have bad days, but they get easier to deal with. The longer you're without it, the more you realise you don't really need it. I sincerely wish you the best of luck and feel free to note me if you ever need to talk. :hug:

Thank you :)
Reply
:iconrichardduhkins:
RichardDUHkins Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
could you put up a summary cuz i aint readin all dat
Reply
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