Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconcorporaterockwhore: More from CorporateRockWhore


Featured in Collections

poems by MCRFAN125

literature by Levitating-Narwhal

Literature by 68767


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 5, 2013
File Size
777 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
2,454
Favourites
154 (who?)
Comments
38
×
Oh dear, Daddy, look what I did!
Sorry, I forgot you don’t care
And that I’m just your bastard kid.

Oh no, Mummy, I miss you too much!
I ache for what I cannot have;
Your soft, gentle, loving touch.

Hey, God, I’m going to hell!
‘Cause I hurt myself
And others as well.

Sorry, Friend, for all I’ve done!
I never ever listened
And now two will be one.

Goodbye, Bitch, I hate you!
I hope you’ll cry,
You’ve made me cry too.

Hello, Dark Thoughts, I’ll let you in!
Help this hurt less,
Help me let them all win.
Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think. :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconafanasimesi:
Critique by AfanasiMesi Apr 5, 2013, 9:00:10 AM
This is amazing I really enjoyed the flow of it. The Vision was amazing, I could picture every line in my head. The originality was awesome it's uniquely yours. The technique was very good I loved it. The impact was great I felt every word and it kinda made me want to cry a little. All in all it was awesome. It was great and I had fun reading it I'll fav it for you. I don't know whatels to put here and I know it won't let me send until I hit the 0 mark. Well I guess I'll leave it at that.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
31 out of 31 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconspacedoutbunny:
Excellent poem! This has got to be one of the best poems I've ever read. While reading this piece, I could sense the underlying emotions and I could visualise how this person might have felt.

I think that it is really unique whereby you took a sarcastic approach like how this person truly dislike others and himself yet putting on a front with words like "Sorry", making it seem as though he was putting the blame on himself.

To me, I think that this has a really huge impact as I think that at some point of time, people would have felt this way whereby everything seems to be bad and they start to become really negative.

Love this C:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
11 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconmissevajames:
MissEvaJames Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
Amazing.
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013
It sounds to me like someone who's mind is finally made up and they're in the process of having their world crash down around them. It really is an amazing poem.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013
You're welcome.
Reply
:icongilpires:
GilPires Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
It was weird cuz' I can relate to half the poem but the other half I can't relate in any way... but the work is great ;D THUMBS UP!
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:

Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconaterimber:
AterImber Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
Hey, this is really awesome! It's so good! I love it!
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much; I'm glad you liked it! :D
Reply
:iconaterimber:
AterImber Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
Your welcome. Thanks for the reply.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem; I reply to every comment (even if it sometimes takes a while). :)
Reply
Add a Comment: