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Oh dear, Daddy, look what I did!
Sorry, I forgot you don’t care
And that I’m just your bastard kid.

Oh no, Mummy, I miss you too much!
I ache for what I cannot have;
Your soft, gentle, loving touch.

Hey, God, I’m going to hell!
‘Cause I hurt myself
And others as well.

Sorry, Friend, for all I’ve done!
I never ever listened
And now two will be one.

Goodbye, Bitch, I hate you!
I hope you’ll cry,
You’ve made me cry too.

Hello, Dark Thoughts, I’ll let you in!
Help this hurt less,
Help me let them all win.
Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think. :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconafanasimesi:
Critique by AfanasiMesi Apr 5, 2013, 9:00:10 AM
This is amazing I really enjoyed the flow of it. The Vision was amazing, I could picture every line in my head. The originality was awesome it's uniquely yours. The technique was very good I loved it. The impact was great I felt every word and it kinda made me want to cry a little. All in all it was awesome. It was great and I had fun reading it I'll fav it for you. I don't know whatels to put here and I know it won't let me send until I hit the 0 mark. Well I guess I'll leave it at that.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
32 out of 32 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconspacedoutbunny:
Excellent poem! This has got to be one of the best poems I've ever read. While reading this piece, I could sense the underlying emotions and I could visualise how this person might have felt.

I think that it is really unique whereby you took a sarcastic approach like how this person truly dislike others and himself yet putting on a front with words like "Sorry", making it seem as though he was putting the blame on himself.

To me, I think that this has a really huge impact as I think that at some point of time, people would have felt this way whereby everything seems to be bad and they start to become really negative.

Love this C:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 12 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmissevajames:
MissEvaJames Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
Amazing.
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013
It sounds to me like someone who's mind is finally made up and they're in the process of having their world crash down around them. It really is an amazing poem.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconforgottenfears:
ForgottenFears Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013
You're welcome.
Reply
:icongilpires:
GilPires Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
It was weird cuz' I can relate to half the poem but the other half I can't relate in any way... but the work is great ;D THUMBS UP!
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:

Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconaterimber:
AterImber Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, this is really awesome! It's so good! I love it!
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much; I'm glad you liked it! :D
Reply
:iconaterimber:
AterImber Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome. Thanks for the reply.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem; I reply to every comment (even if it sometimes takes a while). :)
Reply
:iconaterimber:
AterImber Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, thanks anyway. And that's good to know.
Reply
:iconthechosenone31415926:
Thechosenone31415926 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
Thoughts that constantly run through my head.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconxkyuu-chanx:
xKYUU-CHANx Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Wow, this is really touching and this is also what happens to a lot of children. I know I have some of these issues myself, but never to that extent.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconxkyuu-chanx:
xKYUU-CHANx Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist
:D
Reply
:icontoki-wartoothxx:
Toki-WartoothxX Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Woots! I loveds it!
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013   General Artist
:clap: hello darkness, my old friend. this is well writ; each line impacts and builds to the next. :highfive:
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :D
Reply
:iconshika-chibi:
shika-chibi Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013
Whoa, amazing
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconzeckro:
Zeckro Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013
I understant
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconhylzarie:
Hylzarie Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013
So sad but so lovely and profound feeling
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconmarktshaw:
MarkTShaw Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Good flow, good idea of vision. Switched perspectives, now it's time for more and and structure it well. Make it build. Cultivate. Cause real talent is here. Brave for calling out god. BE that bold. Don't be afraid to say things in a suckerpunch way. If it makes people mad as fuck, that's as good as if it makes them cry.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very, very much for such a helpful comment; I really appreciate it! I was trying to be bold with the whole 'God' stanza but at the same time was very wary of offending people. It's very nice to know that you think that there's talent here!

Thanks again! :hug:
Reply
:iconjaysoa:
Jaysoa Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student Artist
To bad my life is the opistate.....

Yet, I still hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconjaysoa:
Jaysoa Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Student Artist
:)
Reply
:iconapsilpastille:
apsilpastille Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Perfect as always. xxx
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :D
Reply
:iconbittersweetwanderer:
BittersweetWanderer Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Shitshitshitshitshit :iconfeelsmemeplz: :iconfeelsguyplz: :iconthefeelsplz: :iconfeelsplz:
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:icontardglompplz:
Reply
:iconbittersweetwanderer:
BittersweetWanderer Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, thank you!
Reply
:iconlevitating-narwhal:
Levitating-Narwhal Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student General Artist
Damn this hit to close to home. The feels! :iconthefeelsplz:
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
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