Cliches and stereotypes follow many people. What's worse, are the reputations they tend to earn due to those stereotypes and cliches. I applaud you for diligently pointing out to the world that we should look past them. It is important for women to carry confidence and a higher level of self-esteem. It's much easier for them to do, when people like you point out to them that it is okay to just be who they are. This is a magnificent piece of literature. It carries a strong message that is easy to understand. Great form, honest facts, and a healthy attitude! Excellent!!
Some of those piece felt inspired, and some of it fell flat. Even with free-verse poetry I like to see some semblance of rhythm or structure otherwise it's just a bunch of passionate phrases/words that don't really go into conjunction with each other.
"For every girl who was ‘fat’ ‘cause she had dessert
For every girl who was ‘anorexic’ ‘cause she didn’t
For every girl who was ‘insecure’ ‘cause she wore make-up
For every girl who was ‘ugly’ ‘cause she didn’t
For every girl that smiled ‘cause she thought she was pretty
For every girl who cried ‘cause she was told she wasn’t; "
These line are probably my favorite because one part is confirmatory and the other is opposing and it creates quite the little juxtaposition. I like it, it kind of reminds me of flipping a switch on and off in a sense and it makes you think about each statement more deeply. However you didn't really continue to maintain this pattern through out the piece which was disappointing. For example:
"For every girl who was an object ‘cause she had tits
For every girl who couldn’t wear that ‘cause boys can’t control themselves"
Lines like this fit thematically but don't really flow with the poem. I think it would've been better if the line after related more to the first. It's hard to find a statement that goes well to contrasting with objectification, but I think with a little clever wordplay you could do it. Maybe something along the lines of how women who are feminists are often times persecuted or made out to seem "bad" and "challenging quality" because they refuse to be objectified or placed into gender roles.
As far as the diction goes in this poem, I see a lot of the very casual type poetry now days so it's not exactly original. However, I actually see nothing wrong with that because it keeps it easy to relate to for the youth and the current generation. It's no longer the 17th century and as much as I enjoy that era of prose and poetry, convoluted sentences and flashy words are no longer a necessity to create impressive poetry.
The theme of this poem is good. I am always an advocate of things that raise awareness about gender/ racial equality. I absolutely loathe certain things about modern culture (slut-shaming etc.) and you really hit the nail on the head about some of the issues. I've read some of the comments and a few people seem to be a bit put off by the fact that this poem isn't an all encompassing gender equality piece. I disagree. There is a time and place for everything. Just because a poem (or really any prose piece) doesn't blatantly spell out "equality for all!!" doesn't mean it encourages sexism against the opposite sex, or other races. The point of this piece is to highlight the struggles of WOMEN, and in no way does that trivialize or try to undermine the struggles of men.
Overall this piece is good. When I read it, I could feel the emotion you felt when you wrote this poem -- how could I not? I've felt this way many times before and I'm sure many women have. I did take some points off originality and technique but I explained why above. You have the strong spirit to create more wonderful pieces and I look forward to reading more from you. I hope you continue to improve how you convey messages and keep creating great pieces!
figured it out from
hours.Maybe they had
to take some time.I
know how it goes
from wrong and
sound.Did they ever
hold each other
they ever fightLike
us?We can make it
'til the end.Nothing
image by wchildIf
you like what you
article so it can
reach as many
the images I liked,
while browsing the
Street Galleryand I
think they deserve
Enjoy them, comment
on them and remember
to visit the
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More