Cliches and stereotypes follow many people. What's worse, are the reputations they tend to earn due to those stereotypes and cliches. I applaud you for diligently pointing out to the world that we should look past them. It is important for women to carry confidence and a higher level of self-esteem. It's much easier for them to do, when people like you point out to them that it is okay to just be who they are. This is a magnificent piece of literature. It carries a strong message that is easy to understand. Great form, honest facts, and a healthy attitude! Excellent!!
Some of those piece felt inspired, and some of it fell flat. Even with free-verse poetry I like to see some semblance of rhythm or structure otherwise it's just a bunch of passionate phrases/words that don't really go into conjunction with each other.
"For every girl who was ‘fat’ ‘cause she had dessert
For every girl who was ‘anorexic’ ‘cause she didn’t
For every girl who was ‘insecure’ ‘cause she wore make-up
For every girl who was ‘ugly’ ‘cause she didn’t
For every girl that smiled ‘cause she thought she was pretty
For every girl who cried ‘cause she was told she wasn’t; "
These line are probably my favorite because one part is confirmatory and the other is opposing and it creates quite the little juxtaposition. I like it, it kind of reminds me of flipping a switch on and off in a sense and it makes you think about each statement more deeply. However you didn't really continue to maintain this pattern through out the piece which was disappointing. For example:
"For every girl who was an object ‘cause she had tits
For every girl who couldn’t wear that ‘cause boys can’t control themselves"
Lines like this fit thematically but don't really flow with the poem. I think it would've been better if the line after related more to the first. It's hard to find a statement that goes well to contrasting with objectification, but I think with a little clever wordplay you could do it. Maybe something along the lines of how women who are feminists are often times persecuted or made out to seem "bad" and "challenging quality" because they refuse to be objectified or placed into gender roles.
As far as the diction goes in this poem, I see a lot of the very casual type poetry now days so it's not exactly original. However, I actually see nothing wrong with that because it keeps it easy to relate to for the youth and the current generation. It's no longer the 17th century and as much as I enjoy that era of prose and poetry, convoluted sentences and flashy words are no longer a necessity to create impressive poetry.
The theme of this poem is good. I am always an advocate of things that raise awareness about gender/ racial equality. I absolutely loathe certain things about modern culture (slut-shaming etc.) and you really hit the nail on the head about some of the issues. I've read some of the comments and a few people seem to be a bit put off by the fact that this poem isn't an all encompassing gender equality piece. I disagree. There is a time and place for everything. Just because a poem (or really any prose piece) doesn't blatantly spell out "equality for all!!" doesn't mean it encourages sexism against the opposite sex, or other races. The point of this piece is to highlight the struggles of WOMEN, and in no way does that trivialize or try to undermine the struggles of men.
Overall this piece is good. When I read it, I could feel the emotion you felt when you wrote this poem -- how could I not? I've felt this way many times before and I'm sure many women have. I did take some points off originality and technique but I explained why above. You have the strong spirit to create more wonderful pieces and I look forward to reading more from you. I hope you continue to improve how you convey messages and keep creating great pieces!
For every girl that was trapped in a oppressive victimisation mode where she has no agency, does not want responsibility and certainly not accountability and is too frail a psyche to put up with any teasing or put downs growing up.........congratulations you may become a Feminist.
For those women that do not see themselves as life's eternal victims and see that men and boys cop just as much shit...the rest of us welcome you to the human race.
Thank you for writing this When I was younger, I too felt insecure about myself; but only because I felt like I was doing everything WRONG.
Whenever I saw girls wearing makeup, I would wonder if I should have some on, just so they would accept me. I changed my school bag from a backpack, to a handbag, just so I wouldn't be the "odd one out"
But I grew. I grew in mentality. I grew wiser. And I learnt I shouldn't change myself. Let them laugh. Let them raise eyebrows.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More