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Cut ItI’ve got so much to say
But not enough words to say it;
Perhaps I should scream it
Or cry it,
I should cut it.
Blood speaks so much louder than words,
Blades cry so much sharper
Pain screams so much softer
And it’s the only way I know how to talk
Even if it makes it hard to walk
For days after.
I think I’m going to hell,
Well, that’s just swell
Because ever since I fell
Pain’s all I’ve known anyway.
It’s like a blanket,
Hiding all the hate from view,
The shield between me and the monster,
The monster that is me.
Ever heard of freedom?
Yeah, so have I,
But I don’t know what it is
Only that I’ll never have it in breath
And the only key to my shackles
Things I'll Never SayThere are certain things I’ll never say,
Like how I thought about killing myself today
Just to keep my own scary thoughts away.
Like how I stay awake way too late
To be sure I don’t awake in a bloody state.
Like how I soaked white into red last night
And turned myself into a ghastly sight.
Like how it hurts too much to breathe
When I make my own skin seethe.
Like how I Google things I shouldn’t
When I want to do things I couldn’t.
Like how I’m scared of being alone
Yet I’m only happy when I’m on my own.
Like how I know I’ll wind up killing myself
And turn into just a dusty photo on a dusty shelf.
Like how I make myself bleed every day
Even though I know I can’t go on this way.
Like how I maybe want someone to see
And for them to somehow help me.
But nobody will ever help me,
Because those are all the things I’ll never say.
Red ScreamsSmiling at me, shiny silver teeth
Begging my wrist
For one chaste
Grinning at me, that evil smirk
Making my heart pound
So sharp so
I know I
And really I
Arm’s too full of blood
From attempts to
Join the stars.
Photo album of
My diary of my
I am still
Cross My WristsCross my wrists and hope to die,
I will only ever lie
When you ask me if I’m fine
Or if I like this life of mine.
If I had a gun,
I’d put it to my head
And turn bouncy blonde,
Into ruby red.
You want me to stop cutting;
I’ll stop when I’m dead.
The last time I’ll cut
Will be the last thing I see
When I finally put an end to me.
Dying sounds good right now,
Just fading into black
And never coming back
To the agony living brings.
Perhaps you’ll find me hanging,
Or after OD’ing;
Someday soon you’ll find me,
It’s too late now,
I’m too far gone.
Now I’m just a ghost
Of who could’ve been someone.
Another Fallen OneThere was a lady on telly today,
Talking from a land far away;
Her kid had died,
Torn apart from the inside.
The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.
The lady was crying,
You could hear her heart dying
And mine did too.
I could've been that kid,
What with all the things I did
And my family could've been her;
Left with nothing but despair.
I envy the kid
For doing what she did.
I thank the kid,
Making me think about what I nearly did.
I mourn the kid,
Gone because of what others did.
Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,
Because there's always that person
Who'll miss you,
Praying you'll pull through
Until memories of your smile is all they have.
TodayI saw something in the mirror today that kinda creeped me out.
It was a girl wearing a smile, not a frown nor a pout.
Her eyes were wide and shining, just as a summer sun.
Her laugh wasn't wooden and fake, but true and full of fun.
Her irises reflected happiness, not a trace of pain.
She was under perfect skies; not a drop of rain.
Angels swam around her, keeping the devil at bay.
Her life was precious and she wasn't throwing it away.
Her lips were red and shinging with a pure smile.
It was a sight her mirror hadn't seen in a very long while.
She wasn't at all pretty but a care she did not give.
Because today she woke up and said, "Today I am going to live."
Chained and ShamedNobody gets it.
I don’t want saving,
I don’t want ”friends”;
I just want all ends
To be met in red.
I hate how plain my skin is,
How it should be painted;
I’m the addiction’s harlot,
I do as it must dictate
And when it tells me to seal my bloody fate;
I bloody well will.
I’m too full of blood,
I need to let some out.
But know this isn’t a shout
This is me coping
With how I’m hoping
Nobody’ll care when I go.
Cutting isn’t for attention;
It’s for a brief suspension
Of everything else.
It is mine and I’m its,
It doing as I want
And I its slave
Until there’s nothing left to save.
I don’t fear death
Half as much as I do breath.
Because I’d be lying
If I said dying
Wasn’t on my list of things to do today.
What You WantMaybe you want them to notice
Maybe you want them to see
Maybe you want them to care about
How you’re lost and lonely me.
Maybe you want them to ask
Maybe you want them to know
Maybe you want them to care about
How your happiness is a show.
Maybe you want them to quiet
Maybe you want them to listen
Maybe you want them to care about
How your blood does glisten.
Maybe you want them to leave you
Maybe you want them to die
Maybe you want them to care about
How your life’s just a lie.
Doubt I'll see thirty
Hopefully my blade'll be dirty
And I'll die.
I don't want to die;
Just want it to stop,
Everything in my head
Telling me I'm better off dead.
I cut myself,
I said it.
Just read it.
I'm just some kid
Behind a screen,
So why should you care?
I'm not just 'some kid';
I'm the ones people laugh at,
I'm not a minority;
I'm a majority.
All those kids alone,
That death will come.
We're not hopeless.
We hope for
A poem about loveLove consists out of pain
Love consists out of desire
Love is what I admire
Love always fights against my brain
Love is despising
Love is passion
Love is not a piece of fashion
Love is always surprising
None of these things are untrue
Love is enough to make one weep
That is love as it seems
Yet when I think of you
I simply can’t fall asleep
Since life is finally better, than in my own dreams
'I'm not a cutter.'I'm not a cutter.
Cats did it. Not my cats I don't have cats, I knew that you knew that. My friends' cats did it. Silly things, they are. Which friend? No one you know. Honest. I know they look bad, but cats did it.
I fell into a gorse bush. Hahaha, yeah, I know, I'm so clumsy. No? I was drunk; you've not seen me drunk. I always fall over when I'm drunk. Ask my friends. Honest. I fell into a gorse bush.
My hand slipped when I was cooking. I know, it looks bad, but you should have seen the blood! No, of course I'm not happy about it. I know it's going to scar. It's okay. Honest. I just slipped.
It's always been there. You've never noticed it? Really? That's odd, because it's always been there. I don't even remember how I got it. Weird, huh? Don't worry, honest. I've always had it.
What? No! I just caught myself on a cupboard door. I know it looks too bad for that, but that's what happened, really. You could ask my mum, but she wasnt there. Honest.
Hm? Why do I have those? O
The Perfect SuicideQuick
The quickest ways are often the hardest
They're the ones which require guts to go through with
Something I don't have
But I have desperation
And, really, what's the difference?
They say a gun is painless
But where would I get a gun?
I'm just a kid living in the middle of nowhere
I've never fired one
I'll mess it up for sure
Where death is inevitable
But death is never inevitable
There's almost always a way to save the dying
So why bother trying
If I'll still have to live?
Drowning yourself in the middle of the night
Somewhere quiet and isolated
Just take a deep breath
And let yourself go
Nobody will know until you're gone
To the people around you
Not to yourself
Collateral damage is never avoidable
If you keep them physically safe
Those who cared will be mentally scarred
The perfect method is useless
If you don't have the means
You can't shoot yourself without a gun
Can't hang yourself without a rope
Can't die if you're not truly alive
I am lost.
I have no direction.
I'm falling into a universe,
An alternate reality.
I am trapped.
That never stop.
Inside those cycles,
With YouHold me tight,
Please don't go.
I'm falling apart,
falling down so low.
Like a rag doll I'm tearing,
seams falling apart.
I can't sew them back up,
wouldn't know where to start.
I need your help,
but I'm too scared to say,
too scared to reach out,
tell you to stay.
You're my only hope,
like it or not.
My chances are slim,
but I'll give it a shot.
So hold me up,
don't let me fall,
just tell me it's okay,
answer my call.
That's all you need to do,
and I'll be alright.
With you by my side,
I'll stand up and fight.
Hello There Loneliness"Hello there loneliness, how are you today?"
Your silence says it all.
"Would you like to stare at the walls with me?"
Of course you would, that's why you're here.
"Lovely weather don't you think?"
Oh, you don't want to go out.
"I think I will close the curtains then, if that’s okay?"
You enjoy the darkness.
"Have I received any calls today?"
There hasn’t been any for a week.
"Wow, aren’t you quiet today?"
The only sound is my voice.
"I had a funny dream last night you know?"
I wished it would never end.
"Oh, how come I can’t remember it?"
Your presence makes me forgetful.
"I think I will have a drink, want to join?"
You much prefer the vodka.
"Should I mix it with something else?"
Those pills should give it a kick.
"Should I turn off the phone? Save the battery?"
Yes, that would be wise.
"Is there anything that I have forgotten?"
I really should lock the door.
"Well that’s all done, let’s get on shall we?"
You always liked to watch.
I've really missed the rain in EnglandThere's something oddly beautiful and calming about sitting in front of your bedroom window and watching cars drive though the roads that have been turned into rivers by the rain that won't stop pouring while you shed a few tears of your own that stain the pillow clutched so tightly to your chest as you gaze out of the window. The sky is a mixture of dark and light where grey clouds make a blanket in the sky as it turns to night and the sound of rushing water is a peaceful melody that helps to kiss away your tears while you hug your pillow and watch the world move along outside your window, from day to night as the neighbours lights turn on in their homes and car lights illuminate the water in the roads.
I've really missed the rain in England.
Painting ThunderstormsI will remember you in flowers, dead and never given.
We are broken promises and shattered glass.
In your traitorous arms,
I wish I'd never closed my eyes,
You are like all good headaches
in that, you will fade away,
In painkillers and flowers on a grave.
In SilenceIt's dark by eight now.
These days are not like our days before.
Do you think that if you stay silent,
I won't exist.
If so, I can stay silent too.
Sometimes I still check to see if you've called
or left a message or something, anything.
You haven't yet.
I know you won't.
You said you'd never hurt me
and when you left, I told Mom you hadn't,
not really,you wouldn't, not forever.
She smiled sadly.
She knew you would.
She knew you had.
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More