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lits by malivious-maly

Literature by PrincessKanako


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Submitted on
July 4
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I could write you a sonnet
But, well, I’m no poet.
Fourteen lines of words,
That only mean as much
As you believe they do
Cannot describe
My love for you.

I could sing you a song,
But, no, that’s all wrong.
Someone else’s words,
Or even my own,
Cannot grasp
How you make
Me gasp.

I could draw you a portrait,
But, no, wait,
Art isn’t my forte.
And besides,
No pencil could show
Exactly how
Your eyes glow.

I could take you away,
But, no, we could just lay,
Here for forever.
And no vista
Could ever compare
To your
Stunning stare.

I could give you my heart,
But, no, let’s not start
On how bad a gift
That would be.
Let me just say,
My dear, today,
I love you, just how you are.
This isn't about or for anyone, I just wanted to try to write something romantic. :)
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:iconcoolkittenswag:
Wow.
This poem is really one of my favorites, because (while I do like all of your writing) this really captures the feelings of someone who loves another person. :) It's absolutely beautiful!
I'm not sure there's much for me to say to "critique" this piece, only to say that when you write on the second line "But, well, I'm no poet", I just have to disagree :P Yet at the same time, I like how you added that, because it starts off the rhythm of the poem very nicely, with a touch of irony ;P

Vision-- It's a bit difficult to rate a piece of writing on "vision", but by this I mean the flow of the poem. Even though in some places it switches from rhyming to well-worded, it all comes together in the end

Originality-- Even though romantic poems are bit over-done, most of them are more about how someone likes to do things with another person or just how attractive another person is, which isn't all too "romantic" :/ That's really why this is my favorite "love" poem, because you don't even mention any of that kind of stuff. You even wrote "I could take you away, But, no, we could just lay, Here for forever", which I find really sweet because it's basically like saying "We could do absolutely nothing and I would still enjoy being with you". C:

Technique-- Honestly, I don't know much about different poetry techniques, but you seem to have one sort of style all your own in this piece ^^ I like it!

Impact-- Again, this is really one of my favorites because it gives people another view on what a love poem is. It's different (in a good way), and it holds a lot of meaning. :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
34 out of 35 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconamonique54:
amonique54 Featured By Owner 3 days ago
This made me cry...and, yes, I am very much a romantic.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry it made you cry! :hug:
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:iconamonique54:
amonique54 Featured By Owner 2 days ago
It was in a good way.
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:iconm-k-1:
M-K-1 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  New member Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow....
Stunning words of poetry...
I especially like the unique way of comparison you have put into each stanza.
Keep up the amazing work!
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :D
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:iconm-k-1:
M-K-1 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  New member Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're very welcome!

Writing like yours is worth commenting on!
I'm writing a romance story for English class - without much success, though!
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:iconlucarloroq:
lucarloroq Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014
Really beautiful! Hey why don't you check my poems? It'll be nice to have someone to read them. :D
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:iconlovemondotrasho:
lovemondotrasho Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I have TRIED for many days to write a critique on this, but I don't think my words would do this poem justice.  I would end up reiterating the same things Coolkittenswag said.  

I am completely in love with this poem and the meaning of it, although I find it ironic that you say you're no poet.  This poem is beautifully humble, and it's different from any other love poem I have ever seen.  I feel like this is more realistic to what people are thinking when they're in love.  Most people just aren't sure what to say, and this poem captures that feeling perfectly.  

The end of this poem is probably the most beautiful and raw to me, especially when you write "I could give you my heart / But, no, let’s not start / On how bad a gift / That would be." There is just something about that part of the poem that is so realistic and something I could relate to on a personal level.  

Simply stunning.  :') 
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:iconzidayazenovka:
ZidayaZenovka Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't think I could critique this (or compliment it) and better than by echoing what Coolkittenswag wrote. This is really good. I think it shows the potential you have within you to appreciate someone when you do manage to find someone. You understand that it's the little things-and those are the most important things. Good poem. Much love <3
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:iconpseudonym-chan:
Pseudonym-chan Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Awww! This poem is so sweet!
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