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poems by MCRFAN125

Written Works by Xokpet


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Submitted on
April 11, 2013
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There was a lady on telly today,
Talking from a land far away;
Her kid had died,
Torn apart from the inside.


The kid had hung herself in the family bathroom.

The lady was crying,
You could hear her heart dying
And mine did too.

I could've been that kid,
What with all the things I did
And my family could've been her;
Left with nothing but despair.

I envy the kid
For doing what she did.
I thank the kid,
Making me think about what I nearly did.
I mourn the kid,
Gone because of what others did.

Don't ever think you wouldn't be missed,
Because there's always that person
Who'll miss you,
Praying you'll pull through
Until memories of your smile is all they have.
This is based on earlier today when I saw a news story about a teenager in Canada who hung herself. Her mother was absolutely heartbroken and I guess it really made me think.

Thank you very much for reading and please let me know what you think. :)
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:iconvalleigh:
You had a great idea and I love how you took it. i love to see dark and sad poetry, it's one of my favorite kinds.

I can feel the emotion in this poem and you did good at releasing it. it's good to see how far you can go with a sad subject.

I liked your writing style and the way you sat this poem up, keep up the good work.

I believe this poem will impact a lot of your readers. A strong poem can go very far, and i wish you the best of luck at what you do.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 8 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconmaddy903:
This poem- l so many of yours- tells us the truth. If you kill yourself, someone WILL miss you, even if you think no one will or no one needs you. I think this will impact a lot of people and make them rethink their decisions. I just wish my friend had been able to read this. She could have used it.

Back to the original subject, I like the way you write. Your writings hit issues that are big now. Many kids are feeling like committing suicide and a lot of them go through with it and succeed.

I love it.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconbatflashismydrug:
BatflashIsMyDrug Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2014  Student General Artist
I hate you so much! You're making me cry! Why are you such an amazing author? Ugh, it's beautiful and emotional and just- I can't. I have no words that can accurately describe how wonderful your work is. Keep it up! :D
Reply
:iconsimplywolves:
SimplyWolves Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014
I love all of your poems, but this one brought tears to my eyes.

To me suicide is something that seems so far away, something that you don't think much about it until it hits you right in the face. You make people think and that's awesome.

Love your work, keep going and stay strong. 
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much; I'm really glad you like my work :hug:
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:iconsimplywolves:
SimplyWolves Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014
Huggle! 
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:iconberriesare:
BerriesAre Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
The last verse brought tears to my eyes. :iconwahhplz:
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:iconfrollopocalypse:
Frollopocalypse Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Student General Artist
That last line really struck me hard. QAQ
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:iconthe11thnightfall:
The11thNightfall Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
So very true… I can truly relate to this.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:iconthe11thnightfall:
The11thNightfall Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconraphandroll:
RaphAndRoll Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
True. So true. Even when you feel like no one will miss you when you're gone. Some one will always shed tears as they check for the pulse that already disappeared.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:iconjennyorlean:
jennyorlean Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I will now think first, thank you
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Good :hug:
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:iconjennyorlean:
jennyorlean Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:)
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:icontheinsanewarrior:
TheInsaneWarrior Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
*sobs* That is amazing ;(
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconnayaselenia:
NayaSelenia Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You made me think too. Thank you.
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Glad it made you think :)
Reply
:iconfilledeneige:
filledeneige Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013
I have always thought that the best kinds of literature are the kinds that make you consider things you have never thought of before. This is one of those. It has a clearly defined message and a helpful one. It was writings like this that made me subscribe in the first place.
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very, very much! A lot of my poetry comes out really doom and gloom, so I'm really pleased that you think this one has a helpful message! :D
Reply
:iconemirane:
emirane Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this and its haunting, hopeful message - the only thing I would add is a "the" right before "telly" in the first line - unless that's intentional?
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks; glad you liked it! :D

I guess I did it out of habit. Like, at home I always say "I'm gonna watch telly." I don't normally use 'the' and I wanted to keep it informal, as though it were being spoken. I definitely see what you mean, though. :)
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:iconkatie-venerelli:
Katie-Venerelli Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*reads over and over* wow..this is..amazing O_O
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :hug:
Reply
:iconkatie-venerelli:
Katie-Venerelli Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're superduper welcome! This was really really good! <33 :hug:
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:iconsalmander1987:
salmander1987 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013
this is very well written I love it :)
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks; glad you liked it! :)
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:iconrebbiechan:
RebbieChan Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Very well written, great job!^^
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :hug:
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:iconmysecretstoryaccount:
Oh my god this is amazing
Reply
:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :D
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:iconmysecretstoryaccount:
^_^
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:iconbittersweetwanderer:
BittersweetWanderer Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so awesome! I absolutely love everything about it!
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:iconcorporaterockwhore:
CorporateRockWhore Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconbittersweetwanderer:
BittersweetWanderer Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're always welcome!
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